I tried to express;
But my words became my tears,
I tried to write it all down;
But my pen became my blade,
I tried to explain how much it hurt;
But my voice became my silence,
I tried to tell you how much I am trying to survive;
But my plea became my poison,
I tried to show you how much it hurt;
But my hurt became another mark on my thighs,
Ever so, I tried to speak out loud;
But my screams became the blood that dripped on the floor,
How hard have I tried to justify my being to you;
But my death explained to you what my living self truly was.
Eyes opened first I saw smile on your face,
Dreams held me close; but you held me closer,
Smiling became my favourite expression and you became my reason,
First booboo; you held me with you love,
School gave me friends; Home gave me you,
Years passed yet you remain constant,
Night fell and tears from heartbreaks became my friend,
I wanted to hold you again but you were to far away,
I craved a dad’s touch, but you gave me my existence’s slap,
I was a daughter I should be proud,
You were my father you weren’t very proud,
I still crave your love yet all you gave was hurt,
Waa being a daughter such a hurt?
That I lost my father in that curse?
I am a daughter and I lost to a father.
Why did I feel the need to remind others;
That I do exist even after everything?
Why do I want to scream at the world out so loud;
That I was tired of the helplessness?
Why did I have to feel this pathetic way;
Even after so many blows of cruelity?
Why do I have to fight for survival;
When I know I can’t go on anymore?
Why did I have to plead my love;
Infront of those who knows how much I did love?
Why do I have to prove to myself,
That I still am worth something to someone?
Why do I have to be alive even after everything,
When I can just leave and no one would know?
I guess it’s a matter of time that how long would I be able to hold on.
It’s slipping away from my grasp.
Telling lies of my bravery,
Believeing I can decieve,
Ever thought why I did such thing?
Given my words aren’t telling,
Gripping the sane rope for so long,
Going in circles lifetime forever,
Riding a horse of imagination,
Nothing makes me bleed more lies,
Serves me right after all anyway,
You ask me why is that?
Tell me if I wasn’t dead,
Did you still love me the last we met?
Tell me am I what you wished for?
Read your mind only to find out,
Truth are lies, just a little sour.
Desires of heart; tells no lie,
Whispers of mind; hold no smile,
Darkness seeps in; no way right,
Light falls on death; left with bitter choice,
Smiles upon the sky; wishing another life,
Tears rolling on cheeks; tells you otherwise,
Nothing makes sense; maybe it’s alright,
Sanity is blank; just like the wordly ties,
Walk with me through the memory lane,
Maybe grasping insanity was everything we needed, Alright.
Sing me a song;
Not of deep words but soft feelings,
Write me a letter;
Not of endless promises but unforgetable moments,
Tell me a story;
Not of a fairy but of a girl who found magic in reality,
Dance with me slowly,
Not in a rain or under moon light but anywhere with our laughter as music,
Share with me memories;
Not of happy ones but the vulnarable ones where you were alone,
Hug me with your eyes;
Not by putting arms around me but rather telling me how much you care by your eyes,
Kiss me with emotions;
Not by making me melt with desire but making me fall in love with you all over again.
Be with me, thats all I ask;
Not physically only but on every dimension you could be with me.
Hold me tight with your smile;
Not of how happy you are but how thankful you are of ‘US’.
“Just give me a reason, just a little bit, it’s enough.”
But all those reason were lies.
“Cause I know I’d be happier with you.”
But with me, you were still crying.
“All of me, loves, all of you.”
But you left out my ugly side.
“You said you can’t live without me, so why are you here? Why are you still breathing?
But it was a lie. A white lie.
“I knew you were trouble when you walked in.”
But there was hope at the time. A little hope for us.
“Would you, stay with me? Cause that’s all I need.”
But you left just after you saw how much I needed you.
“I loved you. I loved you once upon a dream.”
But it was a dream. Not reality. And it hurts to realize it.
Pain pain, go away
Come again another day
Little girl wants to play
Pain, pain go away
Pain pain, can you go away?
Don’t come ever again, if that’s ok?
Little girl hopes to smile
But you always make her cry
Pain pain, I beg you to go away
Never come again, thats my plea
Little girl cried herself to sleep again
Please, just go far far away
Pain pain, go away……
He displayed his dazzling smile, infront of the crowd.
He wore the perfect suit, to fit in the imperfect society.
He wore leather shoes to make a beautiful echo of his steps among the bustling crowd.
His hair, oh his hair was styled perfectly to enhance his feature.
His eyes were looking through everyone, just to show off his confident.
He flaunted his perfect facade, infront of the sorry excuse of the society.
But ever imagined, this perfect person was just, yet, another destroyed boy?
He was also the boy who cried out loud in the dead of the night.
He was also that boy who would rather be alone than stand among anyone else.
He was also that same boy who would read rather than go out partying.
He was that odd outcast among boys who would have his nose stucked in his book rather than drink vicious drinks.
He was the ‘nerd’ as everyone loved to called him.
Now he was able to flaunt his ‘nerdness’ infront of everyone.
Because he didn’t went with the flow.
Rather he fought to make his own flow.
Would you wisper the words I love? Just for my smiles?
Would you walk with me under the blanket of stars?
Just to enjoy the sheer silence?
Would you wake with me up in the dead of the night?
Just to scare off the nightmares?
Would you take me to the endless beach around the corner?
Just so I can feel my feet in the sand again?
Would you be there for me, forever?
Just so I would say I was loved forever and after?